Bearded’s Guide To… Manchester

March, you're miserable. All we ever do in March is wonder when it's going to get warmer. It's the month where we underdress thinking that it isn't as cold as February but it is. Even the dates fall on the same day. March is shitty February repeated, then extended. With us idiots having to grin and bare it. "Tupperware sky" comments Guy Garvey of Elbow, "Pete (Turner) hates tupperware." Here fucking here.

For this reason there's a no messin' policy for this month's breakdown of what's what in Manchester. In keeping with my mard tones there's a load of bollocks on this month. There's the X-Factor tour which no one wants to go to. Not even the 100,000+ punters with tickets. "Did we really book these?", "What was I thinking?" and "Can you even remember who was in last year's show?" Big questions, blank answers. So there's that. There's The Wanted at Manchester Apollo for two nights and there's Ghost at the Opera House for what plans to be the first instalment of an almost eternal run. As I said, all bollocks. "So what is worth seeing?" I hear you ask. Well I'll tell you.
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Here's Milk Maid who have just started up with scenester booking agents Loomer. The band have been playing the circuit for a while. Everyone likes them because they are nice people who make great music. Here's Martin from the band chatting away like he does...

"Well, the first line up of Milk Maid played their first gig in april 2010 and lasted about six gigs which got progressively worse and demoralising. Phase two began on the last day of August. Consisting of a new band it was instantly louder and therefore better. Between then and now we've been writing, recording and playing more gigs - many of which fill me with joy. We've also got an album done that's probably going to come out in June…although I got the test pressing back today and it is sounded like ass so who knows what'll happen there. Since the album was confirmed we've been asked to contribute to a split LP with The Fresh And Onlys which was written after the album and sounds louder and/or better."

"All I want to do now is write more songs and cook fresh fish, it's all I seem to eat, lime rainbow trout or tandoori spiced sea bass usually win with brown rice and steamed broccoli...then four pints of guinness."

Thanks Martin
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Releases, lots of releases. Well 7's you should probably check are the latest Plank! released on Akoustik Anarkhy and the first single from The Louche F.C (on Sways) who were miles better before they started trying to sound like a band. Anyway, there's only been one thing to listen to recently and that's a live recording of Gnod at Supernormal Festival. Put briefly, it's a great local band at the top of their game.
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Onto gigs and there's a couple of things worth checking out. First up is the Hissheads Zine launch (Rogue Artist Studios, March 4th - 6th) including a performance from last month's featured artist (which we managed to not include the name of and for reasons that can only be explained as 'continuity maintenance' we won't this month either). The event is being overseen by Florian Fusco, a travelling artist currently struggling to leave our fine city who has seduced (in a nice, not strictly sexual way) pretty much everyone he has met. So pop down and see what all the fuss is about.

Another funny little date for the calendar will be Rhys Chatham Guitar Trio (Islington Mill, Tuesday 22nd) which will comprise of ten guitarists (including the mighty Adam Denton), a bassist and drummer. It's going to be a blow-out.

Elsewhere in town (Band On The Wall on the 15th to be precise) Mulatu Astatke is performing with a small troupe, some of which will be from the Heliocentrics. I've no idea why he's touring. I can only presume it's because he's working on a new record. Anyway, he's here, he's good. Check. Another gig where the crowd will be made up of people pretending to know the performer on more than a superficial level will be Cee-Lo Green at (Academy 1, Sunday 27th). Any requests? Yeah I've got one. Fuck You March.